Knothead's Tips

Like Scruffy said, I spend a lot of time and money on anything that I think, or have been told, will improve my golf game. I figure if I can put the right gadget together with the perfect swing technique and use the hottest, newest balls, clubs and shoes, I can look and play like the pros.

Every few weeks I will be giving you my personal golf updates, tips and opinions on some of the stuff I have read, bought or used. Keep in mind that this is MY take on things and I'm only offering it as a friend. If you have some special tips or comments about gadgets or gimmicks that you have used, I'd like to hear from you. Click on this link Contact Knothead to drop me a line.

I haven't hit a shot yet that I didn't visualize to look like it was hit by a pro, have you? I don't know what the heck are they talking about. Many times I have stood in the dark shadows of a forest filled with trees, peered at a tiny sliver of light in the distance, revealing an inviting flag waving in the breeze, and visualized striking my ball perfectly to fly low and straight, avoiding every tree trunk and every limb, as it bursts into the sunlight, landing with two bounces and releasing to roll up within 6' of the pin. You see, I CAN visualize!

Have you ever paid attention to the Razor commercials? They come up with the dang-dest ideas to get you to buy their new stuff. Buy a turbo charged razor with triple titanium space age blades and you can transform your face from a gruff patch of briers into a baby butt soft smooth feel that will cause beautiful women to walk up to you and caress your face.

Would you like your ball to Fly higher, Go farther, Spin just the way you like, and Land softly or release, whichever you prefer, AND - Automatically Repair its own Divot? If so (and who wouldn't, right?) then buy our "FGSL/adr" ball with our patented "csmc" (Cup Seeking Micro Chip) technology and you can astonish your pals with birdie after birdie. We guarantee you will never again two putt a green.

Buy our "LHR"(Let Her Rip)"C/D"(Count Down) 54321-L (Launcher) series driver, with our patent pending space age technology "FSMI" (Fairway Seeking Missile Inserts), and you can launch a drive that will make your pals pee their pants!

Hey, this hype works! I have a garage full of lethel weapons that performed great last year, but for some reason, they no longer work. I have come to the conclusion that golf gear, like food, has an expiration date. So I regularly check the dates on all my paraphenalia and if I find any with an expired date, I replace it!

Listen, if you use your equipment past the expiration date - it can be hazardous to your game!